Teen Angst Tuesday

I'm not in the mood for poems today. So instead, I leave you with a quote. Enjoy.

"Today countries are concentrating too much on efforts and means to defend their borders. Yet these countries know so little about the poverty and suffering that make the human beings who live inside such borders feel so lonely!

If instead they would worry about giving these defenseless beings some food, some shelter, some healthcare, some clothes, it is undeniable that the world would be more peaceful and happy place to live. " - Mother Teresa

Teen Angst Tuesday

Crap! It's Teen Angst Tuesday, isn't it? Well, lucky for you I've suddenly got some time on my hands.

I really, really like japanese poetry. It's simple, beautiful, and oftentimes very elegant. I went on a search just now to try to find a poem that fit the bill. I found this instead, which really, fits my state of mind right now. Perfectly. Enjoy.

Kobayashi Issa

Pissing In The Snow

Pissing in the snow
outside my door--
it makes a very straight hole.

Update

So here's a cute little update for you on the Oregon saga. Pete was suppose to pick up his check at 7 a.m. and come home. It is now 9:30 am. Which means they asked him to work. Which means we won't be leaving today. Which means I ran around yesterday and this morning for nothing. Which means that my HEAD IS GOING TO EXPODE at any minute.

Oregon bound

Yesterday was spent running around like a chicken with my head cut off. So it's no surprise that today I feel worthless, which sucks because I have just as much to do today as I did yesterday.

My darling husband informed me yesterday morning that we would be leaving for Oregon today instead of Saturday. Assuming my math is correct, and I really shouldn't because my math is TERRIBLE. That leaves me one day to get ready for a week long vacation instead of five.

I have a million and three things to do this morning before Pete gets home, which could be at ANY time. You'd think I'd be doing them, right? Well, wrong. I'm sitting at the computer, instead. Obviously I have my priorities in order.

And with that incredibly random and awkward post, I leave you, darling chickens. I'll let you know if we make it to the in-laws in one piece. Which is sorta sketchy at this point because Pete is definitely on my S list right now.

Happy Mother's Day!

In honor of Mother's Day I offer to you the best advice my mom ever gave me. Ready?

Always pack an extra pair of underwear.

Your welcome! Happy Mother's Day to all the beautiful moms out there!

An open letter to my dad.

Dear Dad,

You know I love you, good grief. You're one of my most favorite people on this planet. Growing up you were the absolute best. True story. I have various friends who would gladly vouch for me...With that said...

Dad, dad, dad. Listen. I completely understand that making drinks is not an art form. I do. Truly. And your effort at making Margaritas tonight deserves no less than an A. I mean that, Dad. From the bottom of my heart. So when you told me that you made a (valiant, really and truly) effort to water these down with Margarita mix I believed you, Dad. I believed you because I've never known you to lie. And it's not that I think you lied, Dad. Oh no, I saw the truth in your eyes when you said those words. I know now that you honestly believed it yourself. But lie you did, Dad. I was shnockered within the first few sips. And I don't use that word lightly, Dad. When I say it, I mean it. So, with nothing but love in my heart I say to you of your effort to make, "watered down margaritas" was an epic fail. Epic. Fail.

But dad? Rest assured that all was not wasted. They were delicioussssss.

Just Sad

I literally watched a mother get the attention of her child today by grabbing his hair and yanking his head back. Seriously? How is it that a mother can treat her CHILD like that? Sometimes being a human really depresses me.

A Conversation With Caden

Caden has been remembering his dreams lately and I've been loving hearing about them. Not because I like to hear about other people's dreams, because let's be honest, I HATE IT. But it's different when it's your own kid. He's learning and growing and he's finally old enough to let me inside his head. It's exciting. The following conversation took place this very morning.

Caden: Guess what i dreamed about last night, mommy?

Me: What did you dream about?

Caden: I dreamed that the house was on fire!

Me: Caden, why didn't you wake me up? You can always wake me up if you have bad dreams.

Caden: It wasn't a bad dream, it was my happiest dream!!

Me: ........

Yeaaaaah. Is five too early for therapy? Because...yeah, I don't even know what to say.

Teen Angst Tuesday

Because it's pretty...

The Dream

by Edna St. Vincent Millay

Love, if I weep it will not matter,
And if you laugh I shall not care;
Foolish am I to think about it,
But it is good to feel you there.

Love, in my sleep I dreamed of waking,
White and awful the moonlight reached
Over the floor, and somewhere, somewhere,
There was a shutter loose,-it screeched!

Swung in the wind,-and no wind blowing!
I was afraid, and turned to you,
Put out my hand to you for comfort,
And you were gone! Cold, cold as dew,

Under my hand the moonlight lay!
Love, if you laugh I shall not care,
But if I weep it will not matter,
Ah, it is good to feel you there!

I always thought that once we reach a certain age, we turn in our drama card. We relinquish our hold on petty behaviors, mean gossipy comments behind each others backs, and freezing people out. Because I had given up my drama card I mistakenly assumed everybody else had, too. But they don't, and that is a hard lesson to learn.

I had an awesome friend. We got each other. We could truly be ourselves around each other. I'm a Christian, and I say fuck. I say fuck a lot and I'm pretty sure that everybody knows that if you run with Christians, you just don't say fuck. Except, around her, I could. I did. Not only because she didn't care, but because she said it, too. I could call her and rant, scream, and vent about Pete. I could tell her what an asshole I thought he was being and I knew, I KNEW that no matter what I told her he had done, she would love him anyway. I knew that his reputation was safe, and that when we would inevitably make up she wouldn't roll her eyes, but be genuinely happy for us. We never fought, because any problems we had with each other was solved so quickly and effortlessly that it never became an issue. Because whatever it was we had done to unintentionally hurt the other was just that, unintentional. We laughed. A lot.

So when I came to her about a month ago with something she had been doing that hurt my feelings, I thought nothing of it. Because what was suppose to happen, what usually did happen was that she would apologize. And we would move on. Except, she didn't. And we didn't. She did the last thing I ever expected and took it personally, and stopped talking to me. Which, sucked, but it was nothing I would get my panties in a twist over. I just decided to wait until summer time when both of us had time to actually deal with a non-issue that had suddenly, apparently become a real issue.

Except last night I realized that her sister and mother had deleted me from Facebook. Suddenly this real issue was back to being a non-issue because she was so done, her family was done as well. I sat and stared at the computer screen last night for a long time. I opened up an e-mail.

I wrote, dear friend and then stopped. Because what I could say?

Dear, friend. WTF?

I don't know, guys, that just didn't seem to work. So I sat. And I stared. And I cried. Because one of the only people in my life who wasn't ever suppose to throw me away, did. And I just don't know what you say to that.

So I sat, and wrote and then I read what I had written to my husband; whom always vetoed it because I'll be honest, I was being mean. Because, more than hurt, and more than confused I was angry, because I just don't deserve it.

While I wrote, and re-wrote Pete and I talked about it. He let me vent and tried to offer up advice and the mandatory, "Well, maybe it was becauses..." I eventually hammered something out that was a little bit sad, a little angry, and yes, a little bit mean and sent it on it's way. Afterwards I just stared at my lap and with tears running down my face, Pete said this to me.

"Holly, I want to give you advice about how to fix this, but I just don't know how. I'm sorry because I don't know what to say to you to make you feel better...You just miss your friend don't you?

And he was right of course. Because the truth is, I can be angry, and sad, and confused but it all really comes down to one thing.

I just miss my friend.

Ah me, life has gotten in the way again. I'm so sorry, chickens. Er, chicken. I can't imagine I have any readers left, except maybe one or two. If you're still there, hey. How are you? I'm sorry for the wildly erratic blog. I truely am. Life has been a crazy ride as of late. So. To make a short story even shorter, I'm back. More blog posts to follow, to those of you who are still around.