How did I end up Here?

Occasionally I look around and I ask myself, how did I end up here? How did I end up so far away from where I wanted to be? When the baby is crying, and Caden is spazzing out. When Pete is late getting home, when dinner goes horribly wrong. When I hear about my friends graduating and partying all the time, I always think, how?

I always imagined my life so different from how it actually turned out. I was going to move to a big city, live in a fabulous apartment, eat out all the time, read whenever I wanted...the list goes on and on and yet here I am. Here I am with two kids, a husband, bills, ONE friend in town and a lot of neighbors who are TOO damn close!

Last night my kids took a bath together for the first time. As I sat and watched them laugh and splash I was filled with true joy. I laughed with them. And not for the first time it hit me. I love my life. It is perfect for me. Nothing, absolutely nothing makes me happier than watching my kids have fun, together. Nothing makes me happier than hearing the screen door open and knowing that my husband is home. And even when dinner does go wrong, there's a certain satisfaction in knowing that I'm taking care of my family.

I oftentimes forget that when I was in college I had no idea what I wanted to do. The painful knowledge that I was wasting a lot of time, and a lot of money. One week I thought I'd like to be a journalist, the next a nurse. But when I had Caden God showed me that what I was meant to be was a mom. In the face of all the chaos this knowledge is easily forgotten. Easily replaced with the misconception of how great I had it in college.

It's a good thing I have bath time to remind me just how lucky I really am.

Apples and Oranges

Like apples and oranges, black and white, cheese and noodles, puking and pooping just go together, and if you're my children they go together explosively. We have had no shortage of either in my house this week. And do you know what I need right about now? After a week of changing 8-10 dirty diapers a day, oftentimes accompanied with having to clean the carpet because said diapers failed to do their jobs? After having to change and wash my sons crib sheets no less than three times? Do you know what I could use? That's right, a break.

So, tonight when my husband gets home I will point to the fridge and say, "Help yourself to some delicious left-overs honey!" And I will promptly walk out the door, get into my car and drive. Drive across town to Burger King so I can sit in the relatively empty parking lot of Target(so as to be free of people staring at me and thinking about the poor, pathetic, wild eyed and bushey-haired woman eating alone in her car. And you thought insecurity disappeared with the ending of highschool. ha.) and eat my dinner. Eat my deliciously disgusting fat soaked burger and fries in silence. Sounds blissful, doesn't it? No? Well, yeah, but I take what I can get. Forgot the Pill, THIS is birth control.

Happy 4th of July!

I guess I can't really call this a "parenting blog" until I've had a true blue puking post. I'm going to tell you ahead of time that it probably won't be funny, and if it is, it was completely unintentional and only funny to you, the reader. This whole puking episode is just too fresh in my mind, not enough time has passed for me to be able to "look back and laugh". I'm sure you understand.

The trouble started around nine on Wednesday night. Pete was getting ready to leave for some guy time and I was looking forward to having some alone time as well. Kyle had woken up on the wrong side of the crib and wanted some attention. Not a whole minute had passed before he threw up all over me, my hair, and the kitchen floor. When I started calling for Pete Caden came running into the kitchen, and right into the puke. He was freaking out because he heard the panic in my voice. The panic that was there not because my child had just thrown up, but because my child had just thrown up all over me. I gave Kyle to Pete,cleaned up the mess, hopped in the shower and came out to try to feed Kyle while Pete continued to get ready. Up to this point I was sure that he had thrown up because I had given him some actual food and failed to burp him. I was quickly proven wrong when after nursing, Kyle threw up all over me, my hair, and the couch. After Kyle had thrown up a few more times I loaded both the boys up in the car and headed to the ER, sans Pete. Pete had gone out with the guys, remember? He eventually met me at the ER, listened to my panicky complaints, and whisked Caden off to bed time.

To make a long story short, we got home from the ER around 2:30 after which the doctor told me that he was sure that it was something he had eaten and Kyle would be brand new in the morning. Except he wasn't. Well, he was until about three in the afternoon when he started to thrown up again(yeah, thanks Doc!) Thankfully we had been sent home with some awesome medicine and we quickly shoved that down Kyle's throat. Disaster averted. Oh, I'm sorry, let me finish that last sentence. Disaster averted until Caden started throwing up a couple of hours later. Are you jealous, yet? No, well let me add that all of this took place over the holiday weekend.

We all ended up getting sick and I truly believe that I not only survived the flu, but Hell as well. Needless to say, we didn't do much all weekend except think about how I really needed to clean the toilet more often, although that could have just been me, and stared mindlessly at the TV.

Yeah, Happy 4th Of July to you, too.

Are you kidding me, Google?

Google informed me that Napa was foggy. Google was wrong. Are you kidding me, Google? Would it kill you to open up a newspaper, Google? Would it kill you to climb out from under the rock you've been under, or fly down from Mars for a visit, Google? Because if you did, you might realize that Napa isn't, in fact, foggy. Napa and all of northern California is on fire, you see. So common sense, Google, would say that Napa is smoky. But you wouldn't know that, Google because you are sadly misinformed. You apparently can't bother yourself with accurate reporting, can you Google? The air here has been categorized as "extremely unhealthy." Can you imagine keeping your kids inside for a WEEK, Google? No, I'm sure you can't. I'm sure you have no idea what it's like having a toddler bouncing(literally) off the walls. I'm sure you've never heard your three old come to you and say in a pathetic voice, "Can't go outside today, it's too smoky." You're very insensitive, Google. Next time, I think it would be wise to do your homework, Google. Next time, I won't be so kind.

Update: Napa is now smoke free, thank goodness. This blog should have actually been written last week, but I didn't have the time what with a manic toddler running around the house. Oh well, what can you do?

Delight

From dictionary. com Delight;a high degree of pleasure or enjoyment; joy; rapture

A devotional in my bible asks this question, "What do you delight in?" I read this two days ago and was completely dismayed because honestly, I had no idea. What did I find extreme pleasure in? All I could come up with was reading, and to be honest, that seemed pretty weak. However, in two days, God has given me two different answers. Two answers which I am delighted to have discovered.

I grew up in a neighborhood with four other girls whom lived near by. We did everything together; sleep overs, swimming lessons, bike riding, soccer, school...you name it, we did it. Did our families take annual trips to the beach together? Why yes, yes they did. Did we have weekly barbeque's on Sunday nights? My goodness, how did you know? Did we all have the same clothes? You bet. Did we fight and get into trouble, as well? Of course, we're girls, remember? There was the time when A* and I snuck into our neighbors yard, pushed over their Christmas deer(which looked like more a giraffe, truth be told) and posted a note on their front door reading, "Nice Christmas giraffe." See? The wonderful thing about this story is that the most wholesome of our little five some, AP, was the one blamed. And as far as I know, they still think it was her today. Another time, we TP'ed the (different) neighbors house. Which wouldn't be so bad, except we did it in the rain. This story actually holds bitter undertones because again, an innocent party(okay, the MOST innocent party)was blamed. Only this time it wasn't so funny because I was the innocent party.

With Whitney leaving, who was one of the five, I've started to think a lot about growing up with these girls and it's astonishing to me that so much time has passed. One of us is a teacher, two of us are going to school, one of us is heading off to Jordan for two years, and one of us is married with two little rug-rats, er. I mean children.

Here's the thing, as we got older, we all tended to drift apart. Sort of. A and I were always close as were Whitney and S*.Whitney and AP are close because their sisters,as are S and A. Got that? But no matter how long it's been since we've spoken or seen each other, we can all come together and return to our natural flow. Which is what happened last night while Whitney, S, and I were hanging out in Barnes n Nobles. It was fun. We laughed, we gossiped, and we tried(unsuccessfully) to get Whitney to go talk to the cute soldier. It was when we were semi-stalking the soldier that I realized that hanging out with my oldest friends was bringing me a type of joy I haven't felt in a long while.

I was delighted.

*Names have been changed because I'm not sure if any of them would kick my ass for including their real names in a public blog. Except Whitney of course, but she'll never know, she's leaving the country.

Whi Whi

I have a friend. Wow, congratulations you're probably thinking. HAHA, very funny! Actually, I have a lot of friends but for the sake of this post, I'm only going to talk about one of them. My friend, she's wonderful. She's not only smart(because anybody can be smart) she's also informed. She's a little bit conservative, a little bit liberal and very good at being both. She not only sees both sides but can emphasize with both. She's strong, funny, and resilient. She's had her heart broken a few times but still, she doesn't run from love. She welcomes it. I wouldn't know from personal expierience, but something tells me she's incredibly loyal as well. Do you know what else she is? She's brave. She wants to save the world. She wants to see peace.

On Friday morning Whitney is leaving for Jordan for two years with the peace core. Now do you see what I mean about being brave? I love her and I'm so proud of her! I just ask that you pray for her, nobody deserves it more.

Excuse me, did you say something?

This conversation took place around the dinner table tonight. Pete and Caden had just bumped their bread together.

Pete: We breaded each other!

Holly: You toasted each other!!(haha)

Pete:...You didn't get that the first time?

H: The...first time?

P: Yeah, I just said that.

H: No, you just said, "we breaded each other!"

P: Yeah, but before that I said, "We toasted each other!" You looked me in the eye and smiled...?

H: I did? Wow...I didn't hear you at all.

P: What were you thinking about?

H:...

H: Hey! That's a good sign, we're starting to think alike!

P: Yeah, if you ignore the really BAD sign.

Obviously Pete is the pessimist.