Friday, July 11, 2008

Apples and Oranges

Like apples and oranges, black and white, cheese and noodles, puking and pooping just go together, and if you're my children they go together explosively. We have had no shortage of either in my house this week. And do you know what I need right about now? After a week of changing 8-10 dirty diapers a day, oftentimes accompanied with having to clean the carpet because said diapers failed to do their jobs? After having to change and wash my sons crib sheets no less than three times? Do you know what I could use? That's right, a break.

So, tonight when my husband gets home I will point to the fridge and say, "Help yourself to some delicious left-overs honey!" And I will promptly walk out the door, get into my car and drive. Drive across town to Burger King so I can sit in the relatively empty parking lot of Target(so as to be free of people staring at me and thinking about the poor, pathetic, wild eyed and bushey-haired woman eating alone in her car. And you thought insecurity disappeared with the ending of highschool. ha.) and eat my dinner. Eat my deliciously disgusting fat soaked burger and fries in silence. Sounds blissful, doesn't it? No? Well, yeah, but I take what I can get. Forgot the Pill, THIS is birth control.

Tuesday, July 8, 2008

Happy 4th of July!

I guess I can't really call this a "parenting blog" until I've had a true blue puking post. I'm going to tell you ahead of time that it probably won't be funny, and if it is, it was completely unintentional and only funny to you, the reader. This whole puking episode is just too fresh in my mind, not enough time has passed for me to be able to "look back and laugh". I'm sure you understand.

The trouble started around nine on Wednesday night. Pete was getting ready to leave for some guy time and I was looking forward to having some alone time as well. Kyle had woken up on the wrong side of the crib and wanted some attention. Not a whole minute had passed before he threw up all over me, my hair, and the kitchen floor. When I started calling for Pete Caden came running into the kitchen, and right into the puke. He was freaking out because he heard the panic in my voice. The panic that was there not because my child had just thrown up, but because my child had just thrown up all over me. I gave Kyle to Pete,cleaned up the mess, hopped in the shower and came out to try to feed Kyle while Pete continued to get ready. Up to this point I was sure that he had thrown up because I had given him some actual food and failed to burp him. I was quickly proven wrong when after nursing, Kyle threw up all over me, my hair, and the couch. After Kyle had thrown up a few more times I loaded both the boys up in the car and headed to the ER, sans Pete. Pete had gone out with the guys, remember? He eventually met me at the ER, listened to my panicky complaints, and whisked Caden off to bed time.

To make a long story short, we got home from the ER around 2:30 after which the doctor told me that he was sure that it was something he had eaten and Kyle would be brand new in the morning. Except he wasn't. Well, he was until about three in the afternoon when he started to thrown up again(yeah, thanks Doc!) Thankfully we had been sent home with some awesome medicine and we quickly shoved that down Kyle's throat. Disaster averted. Oh, I'm sorry, let me finish that last sentence. Disaster averted until Caden started throwing up a couple of hours later. Are you jealous, yet? No, well let me add that all of this took place over the holiday weekend.

We all ended up getting sick and I truly believe that I not only survived the flu, but Hell as well. Needless to say, we didn't do much all weekend except think about how I really needed to clean the toilet more often, although that could have just been me, and stared mindlessly at the TV.

Yeah, Happy 4th Of July to you, too.

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

Are you kidding me, Google?

Google informed me that Napa was foggy. Google was wrong. Are you kidding me, Google? Would it kill you to open up a newspaper, Google? Would it kill you to climb out from under the rock you've been under, or fly down from Mars for a visit, Google? Because if you did, you might realize that Napa isn't, in fact, foggy. Napa and all of northern California is on fire, you see. So common sense, Google, would say that Napa is smoky. But you wouldn't know that, Google because you are sadly misinformed. You apparently can't bother yourself with accurate reporting, can you Google? The air here has been categorized as "extremely unhealthy." Can you imagine keeping your kids inside for a WEEK, Google? No, I'm sure you can't. I'm sure you have no idea what it's like having a toddler bouncing(literally) off the walls. I'm sure you've never heard your three old come to you and say in a pathetic voice, "Can't go outside today, it's too smoky." You're very insensitive, Google. Next time, I think it would be wise to do your homework, Google. Next time, I won't be so kind.

Update: Napa is now smoke free, thank goodness. This blog should have actually been written last week, but I didn't have the time what with a manic toddler running around the house. Oh well, what can you do?