Saturday, August 16, 2008

How did I end up Here?

Occasionally I look around and I ask myself, how did I end up here? How did I end up so far away from where I wanted to be? When the baby is crying, and Caden is spazzing out. When Pete is late getting home, when dinner goes horribly wrong. When I hear about my friends graduating and partying all the time, I always think, how?

I always imagined my life so different from how it actually turned out. I was going to move to a big city, live in a fabulous apartment, eat out all the time, read whenever I wanted...the list goes on and on and yet here I am. Here I am with two kids, a husband, bills, ONE friend in town and a lot of neighbors who are TOO damn close!

Last night my kids took a bath together for the first time. As I sat and watched them laugh and splash I was filled with true joy. I laughed with them. And not for the first time it hit me. I love my life. It is perfect for me. Nothing, absolutely nothing makes me happier than watching my kids have fun, together. Nothing makes me happier than hearing the screen door open and knowing that my husband is home. And even when dinner does go wrong, there's a certain satisfaction in knowing that I'm taking care of my family.

I oftentimes forget that when I was in college I had no idea what I wanted to do. The painful knowledge that I was wasting a lot of time, and a lot of money. One week I thought I'd like to be a journalist, the next a nurse. But when I had Caden God showed me that what I was meant to be was a mom. In the face of all the chaos this knowledge is easily forgotten. Easily replaced with the misconception of how great I had it in college.

It's a good thing I have bath time to remind me just how lucky I really am.

1 comment:

Jessie said...

Oh! What a lovely post. I am so happy you are enjoying your role as a mom. I can't wait to step into those shoes someday. Right know, I am stoked to be in school, but I know that God has a beautiful family in mind for Robb and me ... some day. Again, your post is very inspiring. I seriously think that is awesome the boys took a bath together. That was always so fun when Kev and I were little. Haha.